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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A message to my Boss

I guess you're surprise to read this... you've always known me to be open and honest with you about anything...and here I am, using this blog to indirectly tell you how I feel. I'm sorry if I cannot be as confident as I am when I'm presenting business proposals as I am presenting to you how I feel.

Two weeks ago, I sent you a letter expressing how I feel about my work. I'm really really stressed about handling two people's job now, not because of the workload but because of the personalities and office politics that I have to deal with. However, you managed to talk me out from my intention to leave one of my post. So how come I decided not to let go? Simple, its because I don't want to disappoint you. You mentioned that you have already told the Executive Committee (who is doubting my capacity to juggle two positions due to my age) that you strongly believe I can pull this one through. I didn't want you to get back to them saying that "I made a mistake, she decided to quit", because I really don't want to quit. You mentioned that my emotion is my strongest and in the same time weakest trait, and yes it is...I am passionate about work which make it my strength and yet I strong get affected whenever there is something wrong in the system that I can't fix and whatever people has to say to me. This is who I am, results matter to me and my mom raised me not to be content with second bests.

Last night while I was driving home, a realized that I have become extremely unhappy... my time is no longer mine, but its already the company's. Now I suddenly cannot make any plans for my family, my friends or even for myself because I always end up being late for the event or being too tired to attend something...thus causing disappointments because I want to make sure that I don't disappoint anyone in the office. My life is now a part of my career instead of my career being part of my life. I don't know how much longer can I keep my life running like this. My house is no longer my home, but its just a house where I live...I no longer belong there.

Regardless if I decide to stay here, quit one of my post or totally quit everything, I want you to know that I am grateful for the opportunity that you have given me. I have learned so much here, in terms of enriching my technical skills but also about life. I have learned that sucess is not directly proportional to happiness, as there are things that can be taken for granted in pursuit of success.

- Lou Rose

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